Category Archives: loop lonagan

HOW BAD IS IT

bobs-bad-poetry-swtby Loop Lonagan

Lotsa people keep tellin’ me good things about Bob’s Bad Poetry so I’m checkin’ it out. Yeah, yeah, I know what yer thinkin’. But there’s no law against an angel investor goin’ in fer high culture. That’s right, I like literature ‘n’ modern art too—’specially the abstract stuff. You got some problem with that, bud? Hey, me fodder and me mudder’s both Irish ‘n’ both poets, so’s I got it in da genes. Maybe you already figured that out from da way I talk.

And hey—dis ain’t just any poetry—it’s high tech—performed exclusively on da internet. Maybe it’s a startup company! Y’know how I like t’ invest in them. So I ask ya—lookin’ at da macro picture—with this lousy economy, dis goofy election, crime ‘n’ all—can it be that hard times once again spawn a renaissance o’ creative juices? Will demand fer artistic expression skyrocket like it done in da 60’s? Doncha wish you invested in Mick Jagger or Paul McCartney back then? Could it be that bad poetry is da next growth industry? Sounds like a winner t’ me! But how d’ya make a thing like that fly?

I sneak onto You Tube while da boss ain’t lookin’. He’s over dare, behind his big fat beat-up WWII air force desk tyin’ flies. Yeah, flies! Fer fishin’! Guy’s got da worst case o’ writer’s block I ever seen. He won’t notice me takin’ in a little culture. Don’t seem to notice nothin’ nowadays—unless it’s new fishing gear or maybe a Cubs game. Yeah, he put in a big-screen TV and DVR here at our corporate offices in the backroom of Ludditis Shots & Beer—just so he don’t miss a single inning.

ludditis-shots-and-beer-500

Our Corporate Offices

Whoa—look at dis site! This is fer real! Bob’s pumpin’ out a new poem every single day. Weekends too! I watch five of ‘em and find myself feelin’ real, real good—kinda grinnin’ to myself like I just downed a big mug o’ prime porter and lickin’ my lips. But beer costs money and dis poetry site is entirely free! Don’t cost me a single dollar! And only five minutes goes by! Yeah, deeze poems is all short—real short—just da way I like ‘em! So I subscribe, just to make sure I don’t miss any.

bobs-bad-poetry

Bob Badpoet

Can high culture be good fer a guy and this much fun too? Bob’s Bad Poetry. Looks to me like a creative genius maybe figured a way t’ use dis high tech world t’ make money—in an industry where nobody made money before! And if he’s revenue positive, dat’s what I call da businessman of today! If he’s selling shares, I’m in!

And if you don’t believe me, see fer yerself. Click here: BOB’S BAD POETRY

 

Please listen to poetry responsibly.

Graphic by Jennifer Otsuka

Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2016 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

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Filed under angel, angel capital, angel investor, big money, Economics, Education, Entrepreneur, Entrepreneurship, Innovation, Innovation and Culture, Internet, Internet Marketing, investor, loop lonagan, Mobile, Mobile Marketing, new companies, Social Entrepreneur, Social Media, vc, venture capital, wireless internet

THROW THE BUM OUT

Mark T Wayne 1cTby John Jonelis

Mark T Wayne hurls his cigar to the barroom floor and grinds it under his heel. “Lonagan, you’re a consummate ass!”

“Shuttup ‘n’ have anudder whiskey.”

“You sir are heavily inebriated.” Wayne’s voice resonates above the noise of the crowded bar.  “I know better than to get tight oftener than once in three months.” He lifts his chin and peers down his nose at Loop Lonagan. “It sets a man back in the esteem of people whose opinions are worth having.”

“So whaddayuh think I should do?” His dog, Clamps, squirms in his arms and kicks wildly as Loop wrestles to gain a better hold on the 85 pound bull terrier.  He finally locks an arm around the animal’s thick neck.  Clamps immediately relaxes, bone in mouth. “Look Wayne—yer da one said I oughta take da guy in.  So you tell me how t’ get ‘im out.”

“Hmm…yes, I see your point. Options are a bit scarce at such times.  Your editor shows up at the door leaning on two canes, a bit unsteady on two new metal knees.  Never refuse to do a kindness, unless the act will work great injury to yourself—especially when it’s a close friend and your employer.” Wayne pauses a moment and inspects Lonagan more closely.  “But five months have elapsed since that day, and now I find myself sharing this fine bar with a sloppy drunk—a man utterly beyond reason or decorum, hugging a dangerous beast to his body like a rag doll.”

Loop plays with his dog’s ears.  “The police don’t want poor Clamps tied at da curb again.  Dey say he might eat a pedestrian.”

Therapy Dog

Therapy Dog

“Don’t blow smoke rings, Lonogan! There is only one course of action left to you! Claim back your domicile!  Throw the execrable bum out!”

“Throw out Jonelis?”

“That, sir, is precisely what I say.”

Loop Lonagan slowly wags his head. “He’ll throw me outa da magazine. Then where am I?  Gone, like a puff o’ smoke.”

“Where is your spine, sir? Can it be that abusive over-exposure to bitter hops has eroded it in total?  Look at you, stroking that hideous beast as if it were some lovely young woman.  Is that the proper posture for a grown man while seriously drinking?  Get ahold of yourself!  I say put the moocher out on the street!”

“Don’t ya think I tried? Sheesh, he moves right in with dat new therapy business.  Pavlovian PT he calls it.  Gals right outa some Hollywood movie swarmin’ all over da joint.  I can’t get no peace er sleep.  He fills my penthouse with exercise machines.  And busy? If he ain’t liftin’ weights, he’s gettin’ a Swedish massage or an ice pack or he’s loopy on pain killers, and then he’s asleep er somepin. Can’t hardly talk t’ da guy. When I do, I dunno what t’ say.”  Loop squeezes his eyes closed a moment.  “Today dis crew shows up t’ move da resta my furniture out da door—where to, I dunno.  More weight machines is comin’ in!  Yeah, Jonelis finally graduates therapy.  It’s strength trainin’ from now on!  So insteada my nice penthouse condo, I got a swank health club.”  Loop swallows a shot of scotch and immediately chases it with a slug of beer.  The pungent amber liquid dribbles down his jaw.

Mark T Wayne 1d Bold

Mark T Wayne

Wayne scowls at him. “You, sir, are mixing good medicine with poison. Give an Irishman lager for a month and he’s a dead man. An Irishman is lined with copper, and beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.  You’ll do well without that swill.”

“Dat’s da best idea you come up with since I knowed you. No wonder my belly’s naggin’ at me.  Bartender!”  Lonagan shifts his dog so it can lap beer from his mug.  Clamps knocks it over and yellow suds run down the counter.  The dog leaps onto the bar and voraciously polishes the wet varnished surface with a wide tongue.

Loop lifts the animal from the bar and hugs it close.  “Bartender! Gimme anudder scotch.  Make it a triple.  No more Blatz fer me!”

A muscular kid shows up with a towel and mops up the smelly mess while glaring at Loop under thick black eyebrows. He talks in a low voice with clenched teeth: “What’s with the dog?”

Loop makes an indignant expression. “It’s a therapy animal. You got a problem with that?” 

A long scar on the kid’s cheek flames red. “Hold down the noise, mister, or you and and your dog and the guy with the white suit are outa here. Y’ follah?

“Big talk—yadda yadda yadda.  Y’ gonna back it up?”

The bartender abruptly moves down the bar and serves another customer while Loop raises the fresh tumbler of whiskey.

Wayne’s finger idly traces the rim of his empty glass.  “Certainly the Drone’s Club is near at hand.  I believe they offer a gymnasium.  You might mention the possibility.”

“Yeah, yeah, but dey won’t let ‘im bring in his Pavlovian PT team. Same with East Bank, Union League, ‘n’ all da udders.  He’s too cheap t’ buy all them gals memberships.”

Both men stare into space. This goes on for a good two minutes as the noise of the crowd swells around them.

“Ah! A thought occurs to me…” Mark T Wayne draws himself erect, yanks his white lapels, and takes a step as if lecturing an audience, “Your domestic problem is transparently simple. Argue with the man!  Pick a fight!”

“How’s a guy gonna do that? Jonelis treats ever’body so nice—so polite.  No a harsh words, No foul language.  No nothin’”

“Shout him down! You need not be logical or coherent, nor do you require provocation.  Drown him in curses at high volume!  If that brings no response, I happen to know that you are skilled in the fine art of fisticuffs.  Pummel the man with blows!  Violence, sir!  That’s the ticket!  Beat him senseless!”

“C’mon Wayne, he’s just outa surgery ‘n’ all…”

“That man is gaining health by the day as you lose yours!”

Loop Lonagan goes suddenly quiet and rubs his chin with a blunt fingertip. He drops Clamps to the floor and the dog immediately strains the limit of a heavy leather lead, lashed to the stanchion of the barstool.  People immediately abandon the area adjacent to Lonagan and Wayne.  The dog pants with teeth fully exposed, tongue lolling outhis way of smiling but people shrink back, forming a big empty circle.

After a minute, Loop pulls out a cell phone.  “Hey Nick? It’s me.  Remember our talk?  Well, what about it?”  Loop rolls his eyes as he listens.  “Yeah…yeah. Okay! Done!”  He pockets the phone and grins a satisfied grin. “I’m takin’ yer advice.  If Jonelis fires me, you’ll find me right here.”  He moves his arm in a sweeping gesture.  “Dis whole place is mine now.”  

READ SERIES FROM BEGINNING

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Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2016 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

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THIS AIN’T NO LEMONADE STAND

20160402_143634-JAJ TLoop Lonagan—Verbatim

What if y’could combat starvation by producin’ yer own meat ‘n potatoes—and do it right at da local food bank? Hey, I’m lookin’ at a real working prototype here. What about a solution to student debt? Or, maybe fer yer next birthday party, ever’body plays laser tag with drones? Or learns music real fast? Or gets a little help rememberin’ stuff. I can use summa that.

This ain’t no lemonade stand—I’m talkin’ serious business ventures here. One of ‘em launched her company this year and raised $250K in revenue already. Yeah, you heard right—a quarter million bucks. IMG_6636And she’s a high school sophomore! They’s ALL high school students! This is POWER PITCH, ‘n’ we’re at IMSA—the Illinois Math ‘n’ Science Academy. Real smart kids go here. I never seen nothin’ like it—all I remember about high school is gettin’ in trouble all da time.

I sure hope John’s cleanin’ up my language before he prints this stuff.

Editor’s Note—This is a verbatim transcript. It is the policy of this journal to do each writer justice. I might point out that Lonagan doesn’t give himself enough credit. He graduated the University of Chicago with a Masters in Finance.

20160402_143634-JAJ

We got almost 40 teams pitchin’ here, and they’s all real professional-like. One o’ da mentors flew in all the way from Silicon Valley ‘n’ spent days ‘n’ days coachin-up deeze kids. They musta worked their little tails off. DSC_0055Another thing I notice—seems like nowadays, kids wanna do somethin’ good fer da world, insteada da usual greed ‘n’ avarice.

They’s buildin’ a whole wing o’ da school—exclusive fer startups. And today’s winners get thousands in prize money.

Jonelis invited a couple o’ the judges ‘n’ I don’t know why he picked me but I’m glad he did. I mean, c’mon—how can a guy pass up somethin’ like this?

DSC_0052Sixteen of us is tryin’ t’ pick da best o’ da best. Alotta these judges is big-time professional investors I know personal-like, ‘n’ I hear ‘em sayin’ stuff like, “Deeze pitches here is better den downtown.” Sheesh, I feel like a kid in a candy store. I mean, yer lookin’ at da hope o’ tomorrow! And it happens every year!

Just take a glimpse at summa deeze startups. I put ‘em in alphabetic’ order I think. And lemme say thanks t’ Carl Heine who runs dis thing. And Jim Gerry who’s retired but can’t stay away. And Britta McKenna who’s da Chief Innovation Officer. Naturally they’s all PhDs.

20160402_142354-JAJ

Tech Ventures

  • Drone Wars—Having fun with flying laser robots—Max Orr
  • FlashFun—The Personalized Concierge in the palm of your hand—Palak Agarwal
  • Flock—A free and efficient social media platform for easily getting together with your friends—Ben Maher, Timur Javid, Michael Dow, Shrey Patel
  • HeadsUp—A projectable HUD purposed to prevent distracted driving-based accidents by keeping drivers’ eyes up and on the road—Sneha Pathuri, Ian Anderson, Andriy Sheptunov, Xinyu Guan
  • Icosadeck—Icosadeck reinvents the flashcard, making it multi-sided and adding other features to let students note more information, with more organization, and more efficiency—Gunwati Agrawal
  • NoteHub—A Website where students can buy and sell their school notes—Katreena Subramanian, Devan Grover
  • Peanut Butter—Peanut Butter motivates Millennial employees by offering a unique benefit that reduces their student debt—Aneesh Kudaravalli, Tyler StockIMG_6631
  • RemindMe—You shouldn’t have to remind yourself to remember – RemindMe is a smart phone app that uses proven techniques in memory research to help you retain information longer and retrieve it faster—Ahana Narayanan
  • Right Glow—Right Glow is a silicone bathmat that when stepped on glows red, providing the user with a light source that does not cause the temporary blinding sensation associated with turning on a light late at night—Luke Morrical
  • Snowflake—An Automatic, not manual, fridge inventory keeper and recipe recommender—Xinyu Guan, Andriy Sheptunov
  • Vestal—Social platform where you interact with other in Virtual Reality using just a smart phone and a viewer—Isabel Lee
  • XYZone—Improve your pitching accuracy with the only 3D Strike Zone—Hector Correa

Social Ventures

  • AquaFood—A permaculture company proposing aquaponics as a biotechnological solution to combat starvation and environmental problems in your own neighborhood and in the world—Erol IkizIMG_6659
  • Blabl—A mobile application that engages speech impaired children in conversation with a virtual pen-pal—Ayan Agarwal
  • HydroHero—Generate water for the people—George Moe
  • Pass Your Plate—Pass Your Plate helps businesses by taking their waste food and donating it to shelters in the area—Aneesh Kudaravalli, Tyler Stock, Shana Farhang
  • SelfHealth—SelfHealth is a system that puts you in control of your own medical information—Alex Orlov
  • SirenAlert—SirenAlert, is developing a Bluetooth app and signal monitoring hardware to help emergency vehicles avoid traffic collisions and improve response time by alerting even the most distracted drivers, saving lives—John Valin
  • SocialGood—SocialGood translates social media activity into charitable donations utilizing social media activity—Vainius NormantasIMG_6637
  • Thinkubator—Thinkubator is a co-curricular program that challenges students to think & solve pressing community issues, for graduation-required service hours—Sivam Bhatt and Nabeel Rashee
  • The Muzic Academy—It will only take a minuet to learn, but what you learn will last a lifetime—Abinaya Ramakrishnan

Other Ventures

  • AlertIsabella Ginnett, Ashritha Karuturi, Priya Kumar
  • Ask Me 101Rishi Modi, AJ Federici
  • CirclesJulian Litvak
  • FunkyPlantsAkshay Verma
  • InspireEsther Mathew, Amahlia SuDSC_0036
  • LinguLucy Liu and Rebecca Xun
  • LoopNicholas Rodriguez, Isaac Adorno
  • LynxAllAnkit Agarwal, Sweta Kotha
  • MusiWebMaya Wlodarczyk
  • OmNoteClaudia Zhu
  • PoweritForwardShriya Chennuru, Harshita Degala
  • SlipTieSushil Upadhyayula, Pranav Upadhyayula
  • Spatio StationMarc Peczka
  • SugarSmart!Aimee van den Berg, Kate Rabideau, Pranav Narayanan, Abhay Gupta
  • The CommunityMadison Mack

Also read – RAW TALENT

Contact IMSA’s Britta McKenna at bmckenna@imsa.edu

Photo credits – IMSA & John Jonelis

Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2016 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

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Filed under angel, angel capital, angel investor, App, Characters, Chicago Ventures, Education, Entrepreneur, Entrepreneurship, Events, Impact Investing, Innovation, Innovation and Culture, Invention, investor, loop lonagan, Social Entrepreneur, vc, venture capital

KILLER SHILLER

John Jonelis


Robert Shiller TAt Loop Lonagan’s urging, I’m walking his 85 pound bull terrier Clamps down the hard Chicago winter pavement. I don’t mind because it’s an opportunity to road test my two knee replacements.  That’s right; I’m the happy product of the wonders of modern orthopedic carpentry!  And I enjoy the best physical therapy known to man because I own the company!

Old Donatas Ludditis flanks my other side to make sure I don’t slip on a stray patch of ice. Despite my upbeat attitude, I hold Clamp’s heavy leather leash with some trepidation.  In my condition, I seriously doubt my ability to control such a large and volatile animal.

DSC04929e500

Clamps

I ask Loop why he insisted on this excursion.

“Hadda break you outa that place. Dem physical therapy gals is controllin’ yer whole life.  And we got business t’ discuss.  Ain’t that right, Don? ”

Old Man Ludditis slowly nods. “You listen to what he say. In old country we obey elders, not women.”

I can’t imagine anybody more elderly than Don but I object: “Everybody says my recovery is going so well.”

Don lays a hand gently across my shoulder, as if taking me into his confidence. “John, I know you invest big in this physical therapy company…but it not right.”

“Phooey! All the employees of Pavlovian PT are extremely lovely young ladies—” I catch my blunder and quickly shift gears. “I mean highly skilled physical therapists.”

Don sadly shakes his head. “John, it not look good. It seem—how you say—immoral.”

“It does plenty for my morale.”

Lonagan sighs. “Dem females got you completely bamboozled.   Yer prob’ly takin’ enough Norco so’s you don’t notice.  Brain’s like mush.  So lemme lay it out fer ya, okay? 

  • “That nutritionist feeds you fulla nothin’ but vegetables ‘n’ health food supplements. Doncha even notice what yer eatin’? Today, we’s gonna get ourselves some thick juicy steaks. How’s about that?
  • “Then there’s that Asian beauty twists ya into a pretzel twice a day ‘n’ yer too numb ‘n’ googoo eyed t’ feel any pain. C’mon, admit it—yer putty in her hands. So it ain’t yer brains behind this deal. What does that leave us with?
  • “Then that knockout Swedish masseuse gives you a hot bath ‘n’ rub down. Hoo boy, I ain’t sure I can take any more ‘o dis.

“I deeply resent these lewd insinuations.  Nothing improper is going on.”

“Resent away, John. Sheesh—I betcha never give business er economics a thought.  Prob’ly fer weeks.  Get my drift?”

He’s got me there. Economics definitely hasn’t crossed my mind at all.

Clamps lunges at a bright green Lexus sedan.  Probably targeting a tire. I haul back on the leash and quickly lose my balance.  Lonagan grabs the lead and lifts me by the collar before I tip over.  A broad smile spreads over his mug.

“But now we’s free, John boy! Take a deep breath! We can talk ‘bout anything youse guys want.  And get some real food!”

“Yah,” says Don.  “Good talk. Good food.  This is place.”

We’re at Michael Jordan’s Steak House.

“Just hook Clamp’s lead over that post.” Lonagan points toward the curb where cars whoosh past on Michigan Avenue.

“Loop, this is a rare and valuable animal. Somebody will steal him.”

“Can’t take ‘im inside. It’ll be okay.” 

We leave the dog at the curb, get ushered to comfortable red leather seats, and immediately order our steaks.

Loop leans back, takes a healthy sip of beer, and exhales in satisfaction—a clear signal he’s opening up a topic of conversation. “I saw Robert Shiller talk the other day. Big deal economist.  Know the guy?”

Robert Shiller

Robert Shiller – from Wikipedia

It takes me a moment. “Uh…financial guru? Yale, I think.  Nobel prize in econ?”

Don: “He share prize with Eugene Fama and Lars Peter Hansen. They—both of them—University Chicago boys.”

Loop slams his empty glass to the table. “Them guys never agree on nothin’. Fama gave us that crazy Perfect Market Hypothosis.”  He spins his index finger around his temple—an unmistakable and insulting gesture.

I lean back to enjoy the fireworks.

Ludditis raises his voice a notch. “Perfect Market Theory—it settled science

Loop: “Well, I guess a guy’s gotta believe in somethin’. I hate t’ contradict a good Chicago boy but that theory is a load o’ bunk.”

Don: “Big finance thinkers—they all say is true.”

Loop: “Only in universities ‘n’ now Shiller proved otherwise. Da big brokers ‘n’ traders always knew better.  It’s so stupid, it’s—” 

Loop stops. Cocks his head.  Switches to a conciliatory tone. “Okay Don—why doncha explain it to us in simple terms, so’s we understand?”

Don raises himself erect in his chair. “I try. With you, is not so easy.  I give example:  Once upon time, news come out on certain stock.  Investors, they predict it go up.  Everybody buy.  Drive up price.  Stock no longer good value.  Fall again.  Price chart show no logic or reason—what they call Random Walk.”

“Bullshit!” Loop’s thick fist pounds our heavy table and beer sloshes out of my glass.  “Sure they drive up da price.  It’s a determined strategy.  Once that happens, the trade is done, ‘n’ all da smart money is already out with fat gains leavin’ da retail crowd high ‘n’ dry.  Markets move due t’ aggression.  It ain’t some disconnected perfect market.   Real traders profit in real dollars. 

“But now that’s changing too. Da High Freaks—I mean da big brokerage houses—is tradin’ with powerful computer algorithms, in ‘n’ out in miliseconds.  Hell, they make over 70% of the volume ever’where ya look.  They pushed all da floor traders off the edge of the world.  Kaput!  Short term gets killed off by shorter term ‘n’ da universities still say it don’t exist!”

Me: “That’s why you switched to private equity?”

“Yeah, I saw it comin’ years ago.” Loop shows both palms.  “But I still wanna talk about Bob Shiller.

S&P Price Earnings, Div, Int from Irrational Exuberance Shiller

S&P Index Price vs Dividends – from Irrational Exuberance

“Ever’body thinks investors make rational decisions.  Shiller’s a completely different animal.  He takes into account all da crazy stuff goes on. He gave us Behavioral Finance.  He called da internet bubble o’ 2000 right to the month. Then he gave us da Case-Shiller Index ‘n’ called the housing bubble.” 

Loop turns his palms back down.  “Fama never predicted nothin.’   

Loop pauses—for effect I suppose—then goes on: “Shiller says, you can predict asset prices. Fer an economist, dis is big stuff!  How does he do it?  Way too much volatility caused by illogical decisions compared to future cash flow.  Turns out you can measure it.  That shakes up da whole academic world.” 

Home Prices, Irrational Exuberance Shiller

Home prices – from Irrational Exuberance

So this is this the news flash I missed while embroiled in such excellent and enjoyable physical therapy.

Don: “You not correct about Shiller study.  It predict long term only.  To quote famous economist, ‘In long run, we all dead.’”

Loop: “Yeah, Shiller’s model’s limited t’ dividend-paying stocks, so that’s as far as he can go fer now. Maybe someday he gets the resta the story.” 

Our steak is served and we all tuck in. When dinner is done, Lonagan surprises me by paying the bill.

We exit the premises to find Clamps crouched on the pavement, his short, powerful tail wagging vigorously. The dog is happily chewing on an electric green Nike sneaker.  I always thought dogs were color blind.

Loop bends down to inspect the shoe. “Just makin’ sure there ain’t no foot in it.”

READ – THROW THE BUM OUT

 READ SERIES FROM BEGINNING

Sources:

Wikipedia bio on Robert Shiller.

IRRATIONAL EXHUBERANCE – Robert Shiller

The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences – Prize in Economice 2013

 

Image Credits –Irrational Exuberance—Shiller,  Bio on Wikipedia

Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2016 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

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Filed under angel, angel capital, angel investor, Big Corporations, big money, Characters, chicago, Chicago Ventures, Conflict, Donatas Ludditis, Entrepreneur, Entrepreneurship, Entrepreneurship and Politics, Financial Markets, loop lonagan, Nobel Prize, vc, venture capital

PAVLOVIAN PT

Knee TLoop Lonagan

Ever’body’s gettin’ new knees, new hips, and what not. It’s an epidemic of elective surgery. And I’m talkin’ big money. An investor definitely wants in on a trend like this, but what’s da best play?

Take Jonelis, my good friend and boss. Da guy up ‘n’ gets two brand new knees—AT DA SAME TIME! Seems crazy, don’t it? What’s he s’posed to use fer legs?

So right away I gotta play bigshot. I invite John to my penthouse fer da whole rest ‘n’ recovery thing. Yeah, you guessed it—I wanna play Da Good Samaritan over Christmas. I figure they’s gonna carry him in on a stretcher ‘n’ I’ll be da hero that arranges fer all sorts o’ people t’ help out while he’s bedridden. Shows how much I know.

Two 2 Knees

Sometimes a guy gets faced with his own ignorance. Know what I mean? After two days, Jonelis checks outa da hospital and walks right into my place under his own steam. He’s accepting my offer. He’s stickin’ here fer da whole six weeks! My penthouse is now his personal spa!

I put ‘im in the biggest guest room—the one with a view o’ Da Lake AND da Chicago skyline. Then my dog Clamps deserts me and moves in with him.

IMG_7172 e

Next thing you know, tradesmen start showin’ up, gettin’ in da way o’ my Christmas decorating crew.

  • A plumber replaces da toilet with a throne near as tall as a barstool.
  • Movers install an electric reclining bed that tilts his legs 30 degrees above horizontal.
  • A carpenter shows up and installs cushioned tables, parallel bars, stairs that go nowhere, da works. Sure my penthouse is real big, but now I got a physical therapy facility insteada my dance floor. And 300 guests is coming.
  • Then six huge exercise machines show up ‘n’ lots o’ furniture gets shoved back t’ make room.
  • Then startlingly beautiful women show up unannounced.

One ‘o deeze ladies comes with da single-minded mission of assuring John’s wellbeing. She does all da stuff a nurse does—temperature, blood pressure, blood tests. She inspects his incisions. Does she shrink back in horror? No! “These are healing beautifully!” she exclaims with obvious ‘n’ genuine delight. They look like big sloppy wounds t’ me, but she’s da expert. And dis is da best dressed nurse I ever seen. No clunky white shoes. Shows up here in a real short skirt ‘n’ blouse cut way too low. I don’t think she wears underwear. I ask her on da sly if that’s da way all nurses dress nowadays. She blushes ‘n’ says, “It’s for the encouragement of the patient.” Hey, I feel encouraged, but she skips outa da door before I can take action.

And all da time, da purest narcotics is close at hand, should the whim lead to such pleasures. Oodles ‘n’ oodles of ‘em. And they’s all legal! And if you don’t like that, they got Acapulco Gold.

Blue Pills 2sw - JAJ

Did I mention da other woman? This one’s a long-legged exotic Asian gal, ready fer action in skintight leotards—a different color ‘n’ pattern every day. She’s PT—physical therapy. And she exercises with him—IN BED!

I ask her, “Why all dat equipment on da dance floor if you do yer work in bed?”

Her reply is matter of fact: “He’s still in the healing phase. The training phase comes later.”

Okay, but couldn’t they wait till he’s ready t’ set up all that equipment? Da way I see it, I’m stuck without a dance floor fer da big Christmas bash.

I peek in ‘n’ watch part o’ da session. Oh, the amazing positions she bends his legs! “Does this hurt?” she coos. Then she gushes shamelessly over the smallest physical accomplishments. I gotta admit, there’s no room fer a guy t’ indulge in self-pity under such circumstances, ‘n’ dat’s what makes her technique so effective. When this gal gets done, not only is a John’s body worked though da paces, but he’s under da delusion he’s Superman. Is there any bigger boost to da male ego than praise from a gorgeous, sexy, and intelligent female?

She covers his knees in ice, and is gone.

So I phone his wife, but she knows all about it. She says:

  • “These are professionals. What’s the harm in it?”
  • “It keeps him from slacking off on his PT.”
  • “It gets him out of the house and out of my hair.”
  • “What business is it o’ yours anyway, Loop Lonagan?”

Yeah, she tells me off real good. Sheesh! I feel like a heel.

DSC04929e500

I gotta ask myself, where did John find this combination outpatient therapy and modeling agency? I mean, these gals is likely t’ raise da spirits o’ any normal guy. I can sure see how they do a lot fer da morale of a patient just outa major surgery. I look in on John after she leaves. His hand trails down and scratches Clamps’ behind da ears. And all da time his eyes is gently closed, a big dumb grin on his kisser.

Both o’ these gals wear a cute heart-shaped logo. They’s from a new startup company called Pavlovian PT and they plan to take physical therapy to new levels. I’m definitely taking da plunge on dis one. Maybe even get a joint replaced in da cause o’ research.

A half hour later, a buxom Swedish blond wrapped in a big white towel with da same logo peeks outa da bathroom door. Time fer a hot shower ‘n’ Swedish massage! I recognize Hilda from last year’s Christmas party. Wish I had a peek at what goes on in dat big bathroom.

Later, over coffee, I learn she’s da CEO o’ this startup ‘n’ John himself set her up in business before he did the operation. I gotta admit, sometimes Jonelis knows what he’s doin’.

So go ahead—go out and have that operation. Then call Pavlovian PT. What’s stoppin’ you? Insurance pays for it all. Seems t’ me, with these kinda benefits, It’s gonna get real hard to keep ‘em out of the operating rooms.

And an old tune plays in da back o’ my head:

♪♪ How ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm?

Now that they seen Broad—waaaaaaay! ♪♪

 ■

read KILLER SHILLER

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Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2015 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

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Filed under angel, angel capital, angel investor, big money, Characters, Chicago Ventures, Christmas, Entrepreneur, Entrepreneurship, investor, loop lonagan, Man's Favorite Sport, vc, venture capital

THE PRICE OF THEIR TOYS

Oshkosh-1371 Tby John Jonelis

The radio crackles, “Cherokee Six, rock yer wings and rock ‘em good.” Jim Kren ignores the command. We’re no Cherokee Six.  Is the controller looking at another airplane?

The sky is lousy with traffic converging on one tiny airport Too many planes for back-and-forth radio chatter. Special rules apply. The controller spots incoming with binoculars and radios his instructions—the pilots respond in a kind of airborne sign language. Keying your mike is tantamount to declaring an emergency.

Jim can comply. He can bide his time. Either is dangerous if he’s wrong. Aviation is full of moments like that. The entire air transport system won’t function unless responsible people break the law in just the right way.

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Again, the command squawks over our headsets. Jim ignores it this time, too. Not my problem. A pilot is ultimately responsible for the outcome of his flight. He’s expected to use good judgement. I’m just here to take in the festivities and snap a few photographs.

Oshkosh-1518We’re approaching the biggest airshow on earth. For one week every year, the diminutive Oshkosh Airport hosts the EAA—the Experimental Aircraft Association Fly-In. For that week, Oshkosh becomes the busiest airport in the world. That’s right—busier than O’Hare, busier than Atlanta, busier than LAX. Airplanes buzz around like hornets.

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Control calls a third time: “Cherokee Six!—sorry—BEECH BONANZA! Rock yer wings for me please.” This time, Jim obeys with vigorous enthusiasm. When the plane rolls back and forth, I expect boisterous complaints from Loop Lonagan behind me. Not a peep. He’s sprawled across the passenger seats, entirely relaxed, smiling and gazing out the window.

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This is a fine day. One great thing about Chicago is the selection of terrific events close by. It takes just 45 minutes to get here from the grass strip where Jim hangars his plane.

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Jim preflights his Beech Bonanza

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The Fly In

Flying machines of all shapes and sizes arrive at this hornet’s nest You’ll see fabric or fiberglass homebuilt creations. These are powered by tiny engines like the Rotax, Corvair, or Briggs & Stratton—motors that sip fuel and buzz like chain saws.

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You’ll see the venerable Stearman biplanes, some original, some modified with monstrous 500 HP radial engines. One has a jet.

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Then the glorious WWII Mustangs, the B-17 Flying Fortress, and other magnificent aircraft from wars fought long ago.

This year we’re expecting the fabled B-52 Stratofortress, the F-22 Raptor, and the first public showing of the new Lockheed Martin F-35a Lightning.

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You might just get a chance to land your tin can between a couple of these special planes. If you’re worried about wake turbulence, don’t come.

This is no place to go on your private pilot solo. Call me crazy but that’s precisely what I did as a young man. I put my rented Cessna 152 down at full cruising speed between two WWII warbirds. Later, my flight instructor blanched when he realized his error, but hey—great moments make life memorable.

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Cleared to Land

At Oshkosh, they routinely do two—count ‘em, two—yes two flight operations on the same runway at the same time. Simultaneously.

Yes, that is unusual.

These controllers handle it with aplomb. They’re the best-of-the-best, hand picked out of O’Hare and they work here for the honor of it. This system has run smoothly for tens of thousands of flight operations over decades of airshows.

Oshkosh-1608

Another authoritative voice sparkling with static asks us to maintain a brisk 100 knots on final due to warbird traffic astern.

  • The Tower clears us to land on runway 27 at the green marker. That’s a temporary stripe about 2/3 of the way down the field.
  • Then our clearance changes to orange—the 1/3 point.
  • When we turn on final, we’re told to land at the numbers—the start of the runway.  Somebody on the ground must’ve screwed up.

Ah, the array of adjustments a pilot must make in a compressed period of time. The situation is somewhat challenging and I’m eager to see how Jim handles it.

It’s a good wide expanse of concrete and they expect small planes to favor one side of center, just in case somebody lands long. Is this your first time here? No problem—all the procedures are published in the NOTAM—Notice to Airmen.

Well, it seems there are some who don’t read such things, and this year we run into a situation I’ve not seen before at Oshkosh. I snap a photo of the runway. Take a look:

Oshkosh-1336

Two planes squat on Runway 27

See the two airplanes on the runway? Those guys didn’t read the NOTAM. The yahoo in a low-wing is just starting a long-delayed takeoff roll. That means the high-wing is squatting like a toad at the orange mark. Both planes hog the middle. There’s not enough room to land a plane like ours—and something from WWII is barreling in behind us.

This arrival is getting interesting. I turn to ask Jim if he’s enjoying himself but then think better of the idea and keep my mouth shut.

With an aircraft on takeoff, it’s unwise to abort the landing and do a straight-ahead go-round. Several runways are active and there’s too much swarming aloft to veer left or right. But what else can Jim do? I see how focused he is. I don’t yet realize he’s got a trick up his sleeve.

Rather than carry power into the landing, he throttles all the way back. Drops the gear and flaps. Air speed bleeds away. In a moment, we seem to float, but we’re still way too high.

Oshkosh-1330

Jim’s Instrument Stack

As soon as we cross the runway threshold, he slides the stick all the way back and stalls his Beechcraft onto the numbers. We slam down on the main gear with an authoritative jolt and roll forward a mere 50 feet before he applies power and drives off the runway in time for a beautiful Corsair to land on a clean path. Nice! Like a carrier landing without the tailhook!  I never saw it done so well. Loop and I cheer and applaud our hero of the day! Hooray! What a great way to start the airshow!

Oshkosh-1378

  • FACT—There are only seven airworthy Corsairs left in the USA. We get to see three of them today!

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Men and Boys

Yes, you actually can tell men from boys by the price of their toys. It may be the only substantive difference between them. So what’s the most expensive toy? An airplane, of course. If you want to pay more, get a bigger one—or another one. It takes skill to fly—especially the exotic ones and the fast ones—and that takes practice, which takes time—another form of capital. If you do it wrong enough times, it will cost you your life. That is indeed a high price to pay. And it doesn’t count if you hire a pilot—that just makes you a passenger.

  • A six place Beech Bonanza like Jim’s goes for half a million bucks. But that’s nothing compared to owning and operating a WWII warbird—especially a multi-engine job.
  • Then there’s maintenance. Mandatory maintenance. Lots of it. And it’s expensive. If you buy a warbird, you better get certified to fix it yourself.
  • Then there’s fuel. Lots of that too. Those big round engines suck gas something awful. Jets are even worse. The big multi-engine bombers sell airplane tours and souvenirs just to cover transport to the event. One enterprising pilot hires two buxom models in polka dot dresses to sell T-shirts and posters. They do a box office business!

May I remind you that there’s an alternative to big bucks. IT’S CALLED WORK. Build it yourself! Kits of all kinds are available for less than the cost of a top-end automobile. Hey—it only takes a few thousand hours of meticulous labor to do it, so what’s stopping you?

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The Airplanes

Over 300,000 people a day attend the Oshkosh Fly-In. And you can examine the planes as close as you want. Everybody’s polite. Nobody touches anything they shouldn’t. No litter on the ground. Compare that to your typical rock concert in a Chicago park.

Everybody here is a volunteer. Even the stunt pilots don’t get paid—it’s an honor to perform at the world’s #1 airshow. For a week every year, the entire town of Oshkosh opens its doors and staffs the booths and tents. It’s what you call free enterprise.

The military likes to demonstrate their various fleets here. Massive military aviation always inspires awe in me. I’m talking huge size and drop-your-jaw power. And it turns out that Jim is a walking encyclopedia of military aviation knowledge. Today I get a guided tour of the design details of these amazing aircraft.

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Jim and Loop show me the B-52

But older warbirds are privately owned. These planes each carry a rich history and one amazing, overarching attribute—they’re still flying!

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Jim and Loop show me the DC-3

We tour what’s affectionately called the Gooney Bird—the DC-3. This one bears the name “THAT’S ALL BROTHER.” This is the plane that carried the first US combat troops into Europe on D-Day—the paratroopers. It’s original inside and out. Most of the DC-3s you see today are fitted with turboprop engines to serve as airliners in the northern wilderness.

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Seems like everybody with a classic airplane is here. Stearman, Curtiss, Waco, Ercoupe. The Piper Cub. The Beaver float plane.

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We see fabric kit-built airplanes, gyrocopters, and the tiny aluminum Monex that can hold one small human in a reclining position. There’s a flock of Burt Rutan’s fiberglass Long EZs that appear to graze on grass, and even a homebuilt jet. Homebuilt aircraft make up the core mission the Experimental Aircraft Association. It’s a concept imprinted in their name.

Oshkosh-1794

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The Big Show

The real airshow starts after lunch. We sit in the grass at runway-edge and watch it real close-up. I mean in-your-face close. And it goes on all afternoon!

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We’re talking world class aerobatic pilots performing under FAA waivers that make it legal to work close to the ground!

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But Jim and Loop agree with me—the warbirds are the best part of the show.

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This year, they demonstrate the capabilities of planes from WWII, Korea, the Cold War, Vietnam, and the latest stealth technology.

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With loud speakers planted all the way up and down the field, professional announcers do a running play-by-play that keeps everybody engaged. I always learn something.

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Today, the show’s climax is the F-22, which shows off its incredible maneuverability. I stand amazed to see a big fast plane like that turn such a tight circle. This has to be the most maneuverable fighter ever built—and it’s stealthy.

Oshkosh-1744

How is it that I get to do this? Anybody can come! Drive here in your car or motorcycle. Camp on the grounds or stay in town. Fly in and camp next to your plane. But this year we’re here just for the day. Tonight, on the way home, we stop by a friend’s art show and sample the wine.

For information contact EAA AirVenture.

www.eaa.org/en/airventure

Photography by John Jonelis

Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2015 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

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THE DRAGON LADY AND THE BIG BAD DUCK

The Donald T

By John Jonelis

               ■ 

“Tell me a story, Uncle Loop.”

“Okay Princess, that’s what I’m here for. First let’s get you all tucked in and ready fer bed.” Loop Lonagan sits back in the chair and opens the news app on his phone. “Let’s see what we got here.” He runs down the headlines.

  • “GANG SHOOTING ON HALSTED—No that’ll just get ya all riled up.”
  • “TERRORISTS ABDUCT CHILDREN—Nope. Too scary.”
  • “LOCAL REP ACCUSED OF EMBEZZLEMENT—”

“What’s ‘bezelment, Uncle Loop?”

“Ferget it kid. Way too boring . Here’s another one.”

  • “TRUMP IN BED WITH CLINTON—”

The small voice turns suddenly shrill. “That one! Read me that one, Uncle Loop. It’s a bedtime story.”

“I dunno, kid. It’s politics. Yer daddy and mommy’ll kill me.”

“Please, Uncle Loop. PLEEEEEEZE!”

Gimme a minute t’ think.” Lonagan goes silent and scans the article.

  • Trump runs a false flag campaign...
  • Third party run expected…
  • Speculation of collusion with Clinton…

Sheesh—Kren might have him up on charges for corrupting his sweet little girl with stuff like that.  Jonelis could sic the Business Plan Police on him and he’d never see the light of day again.  Isn’t this Trump bozo some kind of family—even if John can’t stand the guy and they never talked to each other?

Business Plan Police

At this point Loop’s 85 pound bull terrier, Clamps, saunters in and jumps on the bed. Princess hugs him tight.

“C’mon, Uncle Loop!”

“Yeah, yeah, pipe down, I’m still thinkin’”  So what’s he supposed to do?   Disappoint a kid?

20150825-The Donald - BusinessInsider

After all—are these two goons really the best we can find to run for President of the United States? Maybe beauty’s in the eye of the beholder but the thought gives him a headache.

20150825-The Hillary - The Marker Cafe

“Hurry up, Uncle Loop!”

“Yeah kid.” He licks his dry lips, then takes a tug of Scotch for inspiration. What grade are ya in at school this year?”

“Third!”

“Growin’ up so fast! Old enough to read this stuff all by yerself, arn’tcha? Okay, you close yer sweet little eyes and Uncle Loop is gonna tell ya da whole rotten mess.

A Loop Lonagan Bedtime Story

“Let’s say yer on da playground fer a free-fer-all soccer game. EVER’BODY plays! One team’s called da Jackasses—I mean the Donkeys. Other team is da Elephants. Okay?”

“Okay Uncle Loop!”

“Captain o’ the Donkeys is an older 5th grade girl. Kids call her da Dragon Lady. Captain o’ da Elephants is another 5th grader dey call Boring B. Bland—B3 fer short. Deeze is da biggest kids AND da best soccer players.

“Dey pick players one atta time from da heap, so’s both sides is even. Youse is hopin’ you don’t get picked last, cause dat’s a real disgrace. I seen it where some poor schmuck don’t get picked at all! But B3 calls yer name and ya feel real good. Ya trackin’ with me?”

“Um hmmm.”

Soccer Ball

“Okay, then dis big bully shows up. All da little kid’s call ‘im da Big Bad Duck ‘cause he wears a funny thing on his head, sticks out like a beak. He never played with da little kids before but now he wants t’ be an Elephant. Pretty soon, he starts throwin’ his weight around, sayin’ he oughta be captain. Claims he’s a better player den B3. He’s got a real regulation soccer ball instead o’ that cheap kickball they been usin’. A couple o’ da kids wanna go with him.  Ever see it work dat way, Princess?”

She smiles and nods.

“Okay, ever’body at school already knows da Dragon Lady ‘n’ da Big Bad Duck is pretty good friends with each other. What nobody understands is this: Before recess, da Dragon talked da Duck into playing fer da Elephants. It’s a special secret deal between dem two.”

“But that’s not her team! If he’s the best player, why does she want him on the Elepants?”

“Ah, yer a smart little one! Just wait ‘n’ see! Da game gets started.  After a while, an argument breaks out. Turns out mosta da team don’t want da Duck t’ be captain.  So he says he’s gonna take his ball ‘n’ go play his own game. Sound familiar?”

She nods again.

“And he takes a few o’ da kids from da Elephants with ‘im—summa da best players, too. So whaddaya think ever’body else does? Do they pick new teams?”

“No, Uncle Loop. They keep playing because the bell is going to ring and recess will be over.”

“Right, and who wins the game?”

She chews a finger. “I suppose the Donkeys, because they have more players.”

“Right again. Da Dragon Lady got da Big Bad Duck to split da team. He ran a false flag, like it says here in dis article. Dat’s yer lesson in Chicago-style politics on da national stage—at least fer tonight. Hey, you don’t look sleepy yet.”

Clamps & Bone

Princess squeezes Clamps tight, like a big stuffed bear.  “Tell me another story!”

“Hmm.” Loop pulls out his phone and runs down the headlines. “Lemme see what else we got here…”

Read the rest of the story:

TRUMPED

 

Sources: Time Magazine and Black Bag

Image of The Donald courtesy Business Insider

Image of The Hillary courtesy The Marker Cafe

Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2015 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

.
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1 Comment

Filed under big money, Characters, chicago, Economics, Education, Entrepreneurship and Politics, Fiscal Policy, loop lonagan, The City, the machine, Whack jobs