THEM WORMS

Bill Blaire – special correspondent

as told to John Jonelis

Bill Blaire here. Jim Kren don’t want you should see this story, ‘n’ scratched it outa the last article but Da Boss overruled him so here it is. I might be talkin’ a victory fer da little guy here, but nobody never accused me o’ bein’ a little guy.

Anyhow, here I am at FFF – da Funding Feeding Frenzy – and Kren’s askin’ me what he missed on accounta he showed up late. I gotta stop to think and then it come to me. “Oh yeah, Ed Hubbard – da pollution guy.”

Kren’s practically foaming at da mouth. “Finally some high tech.” he says. “Is it air pollution control or water purification?”

“Garbage.”

I watch Kren pause, kinda stunned.

“Oh yeah—and sewage.”

He recovers quicker than I expect and fires another question. “What’s his technology?”

I grin to myself and then let him have it. “Vermiculture.” But he shugs like I’s talkin’ Greek er somethin’ so I spell it out fer him. “W-O-R-M-S”

Them Worms

Now Kren’s grinding his teeth so I keep runnin’ with it. “I didn’t believe it at first neither, but them little wiggly guys can eat up coffee grounds, newspaper, cardboard, restaurant waste—even T-shirts ‘n’ convert that stuff into high-quality green products like fertilizer fer potted plants.

“His customer’s is what he calls ‘urban farmers.’ I’m tellin ya, this is a low-energy, low-water, low-carbon-footprint kinda company that’s part o’ da urban net-zero-waste society.”

Now Kren’s gone stiff. “What society is that, Blaire?”

“I dunno—people that got culture I guess. Like I said—Vermiculture.”

He twitches again at the corner o’ da mouth. Bad habit that.

I think Kren’s missing out on a good thing, so I put it to him: “Listen, Mr. High-Tech-Gadget: Whadaya gonna do with 36 million tons o’ food that heads to landfills? I don’t see no other solutions out there. And that ain’t the half of it.”

Then outa the blue, Kren hits me with this: “Let me guess. He sells to anglers, too.”

That stops me for a sec. Sarcastic sonofabitch, that Kren.

Then I get my thoughts back together: “Ya gotta think big. Think hog farms. Them piggies eat half their body weight a day and 50% o’ that ends up as hog manure. It stinks real bad and it’s TOXIC. So far, there ain’t no good way to get ridda the stuff. But them worms is immune to it and eat it right up. AND when it comes outa their little hinders, there ain’t no methane gas neither. Them expensive anaerobic digesters they been foolin’ around with belch out that poison by the ton.”

By now, Kren’s actually laughin’ and he buries his face in both hands.

“Hey, it gets even better. He can take care o’ 10 Billion USD in waste ‘n’ sell it as organic fertilizer. Packages it as ‘Caviar Compost’ to da urban farmers.”

I hear Kren snort. His laughs kinda strange too. I keep it rollin’:

“He only wants 60K to build the first Vermicenter, then he plans to build ‘em in ten other cities, too. I really think you oughta invest in this one ‘cause the price is right fer yer tenny weeny portfolio.”

He snaps his head to the side like I slapped him er somethin’.

Hey, I’m tellin’ ya, this one’s a winner. And yeah, he sells to fishermen, just like you said. But he also hauls it in truckloads to them big fish farms. Says worms is exactly the same protein as minnows ‘n’ cheaper. I’m talkin’ BULK earthworms on a HUGE scale. Company’s called Nature’s Little Recyclers.”

Kren pulls a hunk o’ toilet paper outa his pocket and dabs the tears from his eyes. “Okay Blaire, what’s that on stage now? A mobile app? Some kind of technology? I’m moving down front so I can see this one.”

And off he goes. So’s I get to tell ya more next time.

Look for PART 6 – Coming Soon

Back to – MY KRAKEN ENCOUNTER

Contacts

Nature’s Little Recyclers www.paganics.com

Funding Feeding Frenzy fundingfeedingfrenzy.com

PHOTO CREDITS – Nature’s Little Recyclers, Funding Feeding Frenzy

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